After a much needed game of Bananagram (one of our favorite game in MN), I walked back to my end of the hallway. (Actually, Mayuko lives opposite to my room, so she also share that end, but she rarely stops there as I do. So I take the end as mine.) Anyway, as usual I stare out of the window. Once Beth, my another roommate from Washington DC, asked me what is there to see. There isn't actually. I guess it's just me and window. I know it sounds strange. But the act of looking out of the window at night starts at least 17 years ago, when my brother would also sneak out of our room to our parents' room at night. I would stand there in the middle of the night staring out of the window, watching the pedestrians and cars passing by, and appreciating the motion of the dim light when I close half of my eye lid, winkle, or do all sort of trick with my eyes. One thing I don't do though is that I DON'T stalk people.

So Columbia Teachers College has accepted me for the master program in Economics and Education for Fall 2009. The next to worry about is ... funding. I was told that it is one of the worst Ivies in giving scholarship. We will see. But the new does make me feel happy =)

All of a sudden, my brain turns on the slow motion mode. It is as if I can no longer keep up with all the events, work, jobs, relationship, applications, etc around me. As I am stretched thinner and thinner, my supervisors, adviser, and professors also want more and more from me. Being a researcher at Search Institute, PR at Youth Connection, office Assistant at Education Department, personal web site developer, Alive leader, worship team member, honors student, senior, graduate school applicant, roommate, friend, family member, occasional rides, and recently ex-girlfriend, it seems like I am reaching my multi-role-tasking limit.
Unfortunately, I do fall into the "Filled yet unfulfilled" category.
I need to rest and be still in God.

Dear friends, I am back in MN. I miss home instantly. It's so cold and dry here. I really can't wait to get out of these place. School has started though I am still in the vacation mode. I have slowly adjusted back to life in MN. Strange, familiar, cold, and slow. This will be the semester when I need to figure out my future. I am trying very hard not to think about it.

Just as what Pastor Laslo heard from the Lord in summer, my life is really undergoing many major change. This is part of the reason that I haven't blogged much since I arrived the States. Everything happens so quickly that I can't even digest. Once in a while, I caught a breath and "a-ha". For me and some of my friends, this summer was not as sweet as the last summer, when our love started to bloomed and the U.S. culture/people started to make more sense. This summer was different and difficult at the same time. It was the time of decision, to stay or go, to be or not to be, to dream or stick to the reality.

For the last couple of months, I experienced two break-ups but it seems like Carl and I are still going celebrate our one year anniversary this Sunday (also the Mid-Autumn festival at home, which have significant symbolic meaning). Relationship is hard. I think in many ways I still fansatize the fairy tale love (or soap opera love for that matter). Google chat really helps me to realize many of my complains to my friend regarding my relationship have to do with my selfishness and pride. My mind constantly struggles between "he is unique and I should love him the way he is" and "I can't stand this anymore, I need to move on". Every relationship is bound to be difficult and imperfect. Soo taught me a lesson that I will never forget, "Write down or imagine all the GOODs and BADs about the person, make a decision based on whether the GOODs can embrace the BADs." I once heard that women marry men hoping they will change, while men marry women hoping they will never change. It is true indeed. I am still stuck. I still don't know what to choose. I am afraid that I will find out how unloving I am.

School is surprising easy so far. My classes are more backloaded. So I guess I will just enjoy my time now and try to work on something now than the last minute. I am really excited on my honors project: Should SAT be required in College Admission? I just found out that one of the Math professor is an expert on this topic and now he is one of my advisor. I know I am just a nerd, but it's going to be so much fun. I am still procrastinating with the Grad school application and job search. I still don't know what I should be doing. Luckily I got them. I do sometime think about my friends. What are they going to be? Even I don't say, deep down in my heart I hope that I will end up somewhere with some familiar faces. Somehow, facing a new environment all alone is no longing appealing.